first ny blog.

awwwww. new home. new friends. new life.

why do i feel like i'm having the same problems? i mean, i guess it's not a new me, but the new experiences and new situations made me feel bound to make a change.

i'm just gonna say what i need to say. i'm not going to my discover new york class because i don't feel good, it's pouring rain, and the class is ridiculously pointless anyhow.

i think i've forgotten how to like boys. no no, thats not saying i like girls (hahahah) but i honestly don't remember liking someone and thinking, hmm, i want a relationship. now in general, i at least like the idea of a relationship. but it's a mixture of having such little faith in the goodness of boys and just not trusting them, and me being so closed about opening up that i'm left making somewhat bad decisions and not getting to know people. i don't regret anything i've done here and i don't plan on regretting anything. but even the boy that said, don't worry carmen, you have it all- you came to new york, and you just found a nice boy- screwed me over like less than 24 hours later. hahaha. am i so blind that i pick such the wrong people? or is the right person right under my nose?

as much as this is college and not high school, it feels same in the sense that i feel like i know so many people's business. word does travel fast, probably because we all live together. i really really really need to try and erase whatever bad reputation i've started to make for myself. it's funny how people in california and people in new york are seeing two different sides of me. it's not like i'm completely different but i'm most definitely not the same.

i've lost my train of thought by the overpoweing ache of my stomach, haha.


i need serious help.