at 16, do you really need to be acting like a 6 year old?
and at 17, do i really need to be crying over you?
i finally understand what everyone says about you.
have fun sitting by yourself next year. if you haven't noticed, no one makes or keeps friends by acting like a complete douche.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
im in a mood...
where posting blogs about whats on my mind seems to be a good idea.
that and i really don't want to do math. suck it wittman.
me talking about this feels like an analysis on the voice overs of grey's anatomy.
how much of your past really carries on through to your present? i mean. you make 100 mistakes, right? and then people judge you. you change. how many people recognize that change, and how many are stuck in the mistakes of your past? is it a matter of forgive and forget? does it depend on the person forgiving, or the situation needing to be forgotten?
how much different would our lives be if the first reputation you made for yourself carried on throughout your life?
[23:06] superskankkkkk: and i think that most of the time
[23:06] superskankkkkk: thats what matters most
[23:06] superskankkkkk: not whether you had sex with so and so
[23:06] superskankkkkk: or something stupid like that
[23:06] superskankkkkk: you know?
[23:06] _________: Mhm.
[23:07] _________: That's actually a good way to view things.
[23:07] _________: Kind of like, "When it comes down to it..."
[23:07] superskankkkkk: yeah definitely
[23:07] superskankkkkk: at the end of the day
[23:07] superskankkkkk: your past isnt so much as important to me as how you are now
[23:07] superskankkkkk: even though your past may shape who you are
[23:07] superskankkkkk: it doesnt dictate it
i think that's a big part of the college appeal.
that and i really don't want to do math. suck it wittman.
me talking about this feels like an analysis on the voice overs of grey's anatomy.
how much of your past really carries on through to your present? i mean. you make 100 mistakes, right? and then people judge you. you change. how many people recognize that change, and how many are stuck in the mistakes of your past? is it a matter of forgive and forget? does it depend on the person forgiving, or the situation needing to be forgotten?
how much different would our lives be if the first reputation you made for yourself carried on throughout your life?
[23:06] superskankkkkk: and i think that most of the time
[23:06] superskankkkkk: thats what matters most
[23:06] superskankkkkk: not whether you had sex with so and so
[23:06] superskankkkkk: or something stupid like that
[23:06] superskankkkkk: you know?
[23:06] _________: Mhm.
[23:07] _________: That's actually a good way to view things.
[23:07] _________: Kind of like, "When it comes down to it..."
[23:07] superskankkkkk: yeah definitely
[23:07] superskankkkkk: at the end of the day
[23:07] superskankkkkk: your past isnt so much as important to me as how you are now
[23:07] superskankkkkk: even though your past may shape who you are
[23:07] superskankkkkk: it doesnt dictate it
i think that's a big part of the college appeal.
3 and a half months
until i have to decide what college im going to.
today i realized,
this is possibly the most important decision i'll ever make.
my imagination was running wild and i was thinking of everything that would change, happen, and stay the same during college. it freaked me out knowing that i could find my husband at college. meet some of the best people in the world. pick a career and a life ambition.
how am i supposed to decide at 17 what will be the best choice for me for the rest of my life?!
what if i make the wrong choice?
broadcasting is my dream. but is new york?
today i realized,
this is possibly the most important decision i'll ever make.
my imagination was running wild and i was thinking of everything that would change, happen, and stay the same during college. it freaked me out knowing that i could find my husband at college. meet some of the best people in the world. pick a career and a life ambition.
how am i supposed to decide at 17 what will be the best choice for me for the rest of my life?!
what if i make the wrong choice?
broadcasting is my dream. but is new york?
Sunday, January 20, 2008
hahahhaa
i really don't need to post 3 blogs in one day.
BUT.
it's been a year since i shaved my head.
SOOOOOOOO much has changed since then.
most defining year of my life.
whoooooo.
happy one year anniversary to me.
=]
BUT.
it's been a year since i shaved my head.
SOOOOOOOO much has changed since then.
most defining year of my life.
whoooooo.
happy one year anniversary to me.
=]
favorite things.
my favorite things.
p.s. i think i like making lists. =]
> mint chocolate chip anything.
> gum.
> best friends.
> texting.
> meeting new people.
> making lists.
> those pooh bears on cellphones.
> baths!
> music.
> boys who play guitar.
> boys. =] haha
> hugs!!!!!
> car rides.
> hot cheeto fries.
> loud music in cars.
> smiling.
> crying, every once in a while.
> good talks!
> rainbows. the sandals, haha.
> anchors.
> the smell of the beach.
> being warm when it's really cold.
> RAIN!
> sound of the wind.
> grey's anatomy.
> gossip girl.
> gossip. haha.
> my dog.
> listening.
> talking.
> sleeping.
> eating.
> people who remember things.
> cute sayings.
> old friends.
> mascara.
> acrylics.
> blogging!
> facebook, myspace, aim. haha.
> laughing!!!
> growing.
> inspirational people.
> soccer. not mr alcordo.
> advanced girls<3
> bus rides.
> taking pictures.
> coffee.
> clothes fresh from the dryer.
> keeping ticket stubs.
> oxford secret! and post secret.
> blankets.
> bagels with cream cheese.
> pita chips.
> albertacos!
> subwayyy.
> choir shows.
> shopping.
> getting paid.
> compliments.
> bruises!
i'll add later. =]
p.s. i think i like making lists. =]
> mint chocolate chip anything.
> gum.
> best friends.
> texting.
> meeting new people.
> making lists.
> those pooh bears on cellphones.
> baths!
> music.
> boys who play guitar.
> boys. =] haha
> hugs!!!!!
> car rides.
> hot cheeto fries.
> loud music in cars.
> smiling.
> crying, every once in a while.
> good talks!
> rainbows. the sandals, haha.
> anchors.
> the smell of the beach.
> being warm when it's really cold.
> RAIN!
> sound of the wind.
> grey's anatomy.
> gossip girl.
> gossip. haha.
> my dog.
> listening.
> talking.
> sleeping.
> eating.
> people who remember things.
> cute sayings.
> old friends.
> mascara.
> acrylics.
> blogging!
> facebook, myspace, aim. haha.
> laughing!!!
> growing.
> inspirational people.
> soccer. not mr alcordo.
> advanced girls<3
> bus rides.
> taking pictures.
> coffee.
> clothes fresh from the dryer.
> keeping ticket stubs.
> oxford secret! and post secret.
> blankets.
> bagels with cream cheese.
> pita chips.
> albertacos!
> subwayyy.
> choir shows.
> shopping.
> getting paid.
> compliments.
> bruises!
i'll add later. =]
craving.
i was craving a blog post. haha.
there's so many things i want to write about!!
okay first.
BEST BANDS. and artists, haha. feel free to add to my list. haha. =]
> the maine.
> kid sparrow.
> metro station.
> the jakes.
> ready aim fire.
> rocket summer.
> hellogoodbye.
> kimya dawson.
> dropout year.
> boys like girls.
> dashboard confessional.
> james blunt.
> brighten.
> blink 182.
> angels&airwaves.
> death cab for cutie.
> cute is what we aim for.
> postal service.
> sherwood.
> the scene aesthetic.
> the format.
> cartel.
> all time low.
> say anything.
> quietdrive.
> my favorite highway.
> the spill canvas.
> five times august.
> lfo.
> train.
> savage garden.
> matchbox twenty.
> american hi-fi.
> all american rejects.
> britney spears (haha)
> the ataris.
> lifehouse.
> yellowcard.
> gym class heroes.
> john legend.
> snow patrol.
> keri noble.
> ingrid michaelson.
> meg&dia.
> schuyler fisk.
> colbie caillat.
> the fray.
mkay. next topic?
friends.
senior year is supposed to be the best of my life. it's been good, not gonna lie. but i get the feeling that i don't have one group of friends. well i know that, haha. i never really have, i change groups and friends...and it's never bothered me. i mean, i have more friends because i don't limit myself to one group of people. but then as senior activities are happening...i feel almost left out. everyone is hanging out with "their" group- and i don't have one. it was really obvious at formal. like, everyone assumed i was going with a different group of people. and that's almost like a compliment...but then again, i was like...okay, now i don't have a group. i had to ask to be in a group, and then it was semi-awkward cuz i could tell i wasn't really wanted.
i know sadies is gonna be the same problem. what do i do? i want one group that i can clearly identify with. but i can't beg someone to take me in. am i the only one that this is happening too? agh. =/
i can just myself at senior sunrise and grad nite...like, looking around at the cliques and groups of people, and not feeling like i belong anywhere. it's like..i feel so wanted but lonely at the same time. i hope this works out...i guess i need to pick a group of people and stick with them. but then what happens to everyone else not inside that select group of people? i can't let them go, but this won't ever work unless i do to some extent. blahhhhh.
there's so many things i want to write about!!
okay first.
BEST BANDS. and artists, haha. feel free to add to my list. haha. =]
> the maine.
> kid sparrow.
> metro station.
> the jakes.
> ready aim fire.
> rocket summer.
> hellogoodbye.
> kimya dawson.
> dropout year.
> boys like girls.
> dashboard confessional.
> james blunt.
> brighten.
> blink 182.
> angels&airwaves.
> death cab for cutie.
> cute is what we aim for.
> postal service.
> sherwood.
> the scene aesthetic.
> the format.
> cartel.
> all time low.
> say anything.
> quietdrive.
> my favorite highway.
> the spill canvas.
> five times august.
> lfo.
> train.
> savage garden.
> matchbox twenty.
> american hi-fi.
> all american rejects.
> britney spears (haha)
> the ataris.
> lifehouse.
> yellowcard.
> gym class heroes.
> john legend.
> snow patrol.
> keri noble.
> ingrid michaelson.
> meg&dia.
> schuyler fisk.
> colbie caillat.
> the fray.
mkay. next topic?
friends.
senior year is supposed to be the best of my life. it's been good, not gonna lie. but i get the feeling that i don't have one group of friends. well i know that, haha. i never really have, i change groups and friends...and it's never bothered me. i mean, i have more friends because i don't limit myself to one group of people. but then as senior activities are happening...i feel almost left out. everyone is hanging out with "their" group- and i don't have one. it was really obvious at formal. like, everyone assumed i was going with a different group of people. and that's almost like a compliment...but then again, i was like...okay, now i don't have a group. i had to ask to be in a group, and then it was semi-awkward cuz i could tell i wasn't really wanted.
i know sadies is gonna be the same problem. what do i do? i want one group that i can clearly identify with. but i can't beg someone to take me in. am i the only one that this is happening too? agh. =/
i can just myself at senior sunrise and grad nite...like, looking around at the cliques and groups of people, and not feeling like i belong anywhere. it's like..i feel so wanted but lonely at the same time. i hope this works out...i guess i need to pick a group of people and stick with them. but then what happens to everyone else not inside that select group of people? i can't let them go, but this won't ever work unless i do to some extent. blahhhhh.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
=]
there's so much i want to say to you, but i don't think you really want to hear it. seriously though. this is getting to the point where i don't know if "just friends" will work for us. i almost want more but then i definitely don't. i want you to be over me, but at the same time, i don't exactly want you to move on. i want you to pay attention to me, but i think you're too clingy. i was thinking about it, and what it comes down to is that i'm just not happy with you like i used to be. i want to be, but it just doesn't work out. will we ever be okay?
and that was my new years resolution, to have more moments of pure happiness. speaking of which, a conversation sparked this whole realization of the first paragraph. i want to be purely happy, even if it's only for moments at a time. this happened yesterday, and i seriously could not wipe the smile off of my face. i haven't done that in quite a while. it felt SO good. i love new friends. the telling of stories that everyone has heard a hundred times. the fact that someone shows they care. especially because they already see more in me than i can often see myself. mmm. it all feels good. i hope it lasts. =]
i don't know what to make of this new situation. but it's a pretty good feeling, so i won't question it for now. haha.
...i'm gonna go not do my homework and think really hard about sadies. blah. what an exciting night.
and that was my new years resolution, to have more moments of pure happiness. speaking of which, a conversation sparked this whole realization of the first paragraph. i want to be purely happy, even if it's only for moments at a time. this happened yesterday, and i seriously could not wipe the smile off of my face. i haven't done that in quite a while. it felt SO good. i love new friends. the telling of stories that everyone has heard a hundred times. the fact that someone shows they care. especially because they already see more in me than i can often see myself. mmm. it all feels good. i hope it lasts. =]
i don't know what to make of this new situation. but it's a pretty good feeling, so i won't question it for now. haha.
...i'm gonna go not do my homework and think really hard about sadies. blah. what an exciting night.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
because vincent wanted it.
hahaha. i doubt this is the intellectual capacity you were looking for, and i even more seriously doubt that this is the inspiration or motivation you need to do your homework. i should rename it distraction. ha.
funbags9999 (9:19:02 PM):update your blog
m5mjat (9:26:21 PM): you need to do a new blog haha
...i get the hint. ;]
so i watched juno on wednesday night with meaghan and vincent. (ironic since i'm writing this blog for them, haha.) but yeah, most amazing movie ever. for one, the soundtrack is amazing. i do this thing where i shape lyrics around my life and i judge songs on how much they relate to me. so yeah. kimya dawson=pure genius. but back to the movie. it got me thinking SO MUCH about what's happening in my life right now. and since i've watched the movie, i've been super reflective on everything.
this quote from the movie was the foundation for A LOT of my reflection.
"Look, in my opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what-have-you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass."
WOW. i got to thinking about who this person is. and honestly, it's the one person i would expect but don't want. i mean, these past few months have been the most indecisive months for me ever. i don't want to go in extreme detail, especially because i don't know who actually reads this... haha. but anyway, this quote fueled my reflection which fueled one of the most amazing conversations ever with meaghan. she summarizes it on her blog- www.m5mjat.blogspot.com
so our talk was set in the perfect scene- pitch black, ensuring secrecy, and rain bouncing off the car, our favorite weather. my mind is so all over the place, and my opinions so stubborn yet completely naive. not to mention selfish. at one point we realized that in my situation, me being selfish is completely selfless. i want to protect him so bad for my own sake, so i lie. but it's come to the point where i don't know what's a lie and what's real in this seemingly non existent relationship.(okay, it does exist. it's always on my mind and it's obvious. but it doesn't exist when i realize there's absolutely no tangible proof to it's existence. and tangible happens to be something i can actually understand.) i don't know my feelings because they're so double sided. i don't know what to do or what to say. for example, i hate talking on the phone. yet i do it every day and i love it. how does that make sense?! so the conversation continues and i'm beyond frustrated. there's no words to express how i'm feeling.
this brings me back to juno.
"you're so nice and you're so smart
you're such a good friend i hafta break your heart
tell you that i love you then i'll tear your world apart
just pretend i didn't tear your world apart."
it sucks because i know by not hurting him i'm hurting him. so what's the right thing to do, if i'm hurting him either way. if i give in to my feelings, then i'm going to hurt him when i get bored.(i always do. you know me.) if i resist for the moment, BAM. pain.
and so i go in circles and circles about this. wonder what i'll say when it comes time. i need a new perspective but each one just brings me in a 360. i have the serious urge to yell suck it, fuck, or be my valentine right now.
go do your homework, vincent.
ps.
superskankkkkk (9:49:40 PM): leave me alone
superskankkkkk (9:49:46 PM): im trying to be insightful
(so much for that.)
funbags9999 (9:19:02 PM):update your blog
m5mjat (9:26:21 PM): you need to do a new blog haha
...i get the hint. ;]
so i watched juno on wednesday night with meaghan and vincent. (ironic since i'm writing this blog for them, haha.) but yeah, most amazing movie ever. for one, the soundtrack is amazing. i do this thing where i shape lyrics around my life and i judge songs on how much they relate to me. so yeah. kimya dawson=pure genius. but back to the movie. it got me thinking SO MUCH about what's happening in my life right now. and since i've watched the movie, i've been super reflective on everything.
this quote from the movie was the foundation for A LOT of my reflection.
"Look, in my opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what-have-you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass."
WOW. i got to thinking about who this person is. and honestly, it's the one person i would expect but don't want. i mean, these past few months have been the most indecisive months for me ever. i don't want to go in extreme detail, especially because i don't know who actually reads this... haha. but anyway, this quote fueled my reflection which fueled one of the most amazing conversations ever with meaghan. she summarizes it on her blog- www.m5mjat.blogspot.com
so our talk was set in the perfect scene- pitch black, ensuring secrecy, and rain bouncing off the car, our favorite weather. my mind is so all over the place, and my opinions so stubborn yet completely naive. not to mention selfish. at one point we realized that in my situation, me being selfish is completely selfless. i want to protect him so bad for my own sake, so i lie. but it's come to the point where i don't know what's a lie and what's real in this seemingly non existent relationship.(okay, it does exist. it's always on my mind and it's obvious. but it doesn't exist when i realize there's absolutely no tangible proof to it's existence. and tangible happens to be something i can actually understand.) i don't know my feelings because they're so double sided. i don't know what to do or what to say. for example, i hate talking on the phone. yet i do it every day and i love it. how does that make sense?! so the conversation continues and i'm beyond frustrated. there's no words to express how i'm feeling.
this brings me back to juno.
"you're so nice and you're so smart
you're such a good friend i hafta break your heart
tell you that i love you then i'll tear your world apart
just pretend i didn't tear your world apart."
it sucks because i know by not hurting him i'm hurting him. so what's the right thing to do, if i'm hurting him either way. if i give in to my feelings, then i'm going to hurt him when i get bored.(i always do. you know me.) if i resist for the moment, BAM. pain.
and so i go in circles and circles about this. wonder what i'll say when it comes time. i need a new perspective but each one just brings me in a 360. i have the serious urge to yell suck it, fuck, or be my valentine right now.
go do your homework, vincent.
ps.
superskankkkkk (9:49:40 PM): leave me alone
superskankkkkk (9:49:46 PM): im trying to be insightful
(so much for that.)
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
a toast to...
i wanted to capture exactly what was said at our "raging new year" party.
we made a toast as our first words of 2008... here it is.
"To no more bitterness"- meaghan
"To moments of pure happiness"- carmen
"To cherishing every moment we have left together and to living life to it's fullest."- jillian
"To seniors."- raghav
aw, what a good way to start the new year!
<33333
2008, here i come.
we made a toast as our first words of 2008... here it is.
"To no more bitterness"- meaghan
"To moments of pure happiness"- carmen
"To cherishing every moment we have left together and to living life to it's fullest."- jillian
"To seniors."- raghav
aw, what a good way to start the new year!
<33333
2008, here i come.
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