it feels so right

to be here with you.
and now, as i look into your eyes,
i feel in my heart-
the start of something...
old.


the feelings come rushing back.
i've never felt more at home, more comfortable.
he's my one and only, everlasting,
best friend forever.


a marine veteran came up to him last night and said,
"boy, nothing i can say will ever prepare you for the 13 weeks of boot camp you're about to experience. but can i give you one piece of advice?
you better write to your girl every god damn day."

and he replied,
"of course sir."

then the marine looked at me and said,
"and you better fucking write back."








this won't be the end of us.

it's over.

i'm sad. but i think it's what you need.







googling "vegetarian" always makes me feel better.


new life goal? i think so!



(bottom picture)
& it reads: "you must be the change you wish to see in the world." genius.

sitting wishing waiting.

SITTING.
as i sit here, i'm realzing how many people don't really know who i am.

i mean...i guess i don't fully know who i am, either, but i'm starting to realize that so many people see me for things i am not.

ex: my dad thinks i do drugs.
RIGHT. because if you really knew me...

ex: my mom thinks im anorexic.
...really?

ex: cody thinks im so wholesome.
=/


i don't know what to make of this.
am i sending mixed signals or am i surrounded by blind people?

WISHING.

1. i want us to be done, but i can't seem to finish it off. i don't know if i want to. i wish you knew how i really really feel.
2. i want to see you more, regardless of what you think. i wish i could let you into my life completely, but i know you won't understand or know the person i've become. i wish you knew the real me, and i wish i would feel comfortable with you knowing.
3. i want us to go back to normal. i wish you knew that i miss you.
4. you...i wish you knew i existed. all those months..and look where we are. i wish you knew my feelings were sincere.

WAITING.

i'm excited for:
marble slab! graduation! summer! saturday! yearbook signing! college shopping!

i'm not looking forward to:
june 23. =/

i don't know what to make of:
college- aug. 22
graduation- june 16
changing relationships- how can i be sure it's for the better?


sitting wishing waiting.
how i love jack johnson.

to judge or not to judge.

when is it okay to judge?

well maybe i should rephrase that. because regardless of whether it's okay, i do it. you do it. we ALL judge, constantly. but at a certain point, at a bump in the road, we make the decision to stop judging someone and actually get to know them. this can come after 5 seconds of meeting them, or it can be after 5 years of sitting next to them in school. what makes us decide to put the judging microscope (claw, binoculars, telescope....whatever) down and really find out about a person?

so when you call me a junior. i think to myself that maybe you just haven't hitten that bump yet...that you're still judging. as much as it makes me mad, can i really blame you? it's not anyone's fault that we move at different paces of judgmental cycles. maybe you'll never see these people in the same way i do. and that's okay, isn't it?



although it's socially accepted to judge...i think there's a point where it's just plain old fucking immature. i'm not talking about anyone specifically, but honestly. what made you so great that you can judge unrelentlessly? what makes you better than everyone else, that you're the ultimate "judger"?


no way.








on a completely unrelated note...

it hurts me that i've been replaced. i hope it's not who i think it is, because i don't want to see you hurt again the way i hurt you.

ps. take a hint. i'm not over you.