first impressions.

this weekend has been one of the most fun i've ever had.
also extremely eye-opening on where i stand in life.


for friday night. first impressions. i never thought about how extremely important they are. i mean, okay. don't lie about your age, about you life. that seems obvious. but besides that, i really underestimated the fact that an amazing opportunity may present itself to you, and your first impression will determine if the door opens or closes.

i'm pretty sure i slammed the door shut.


for saturday. besides having a horribly guilty conscience, i reflected on the previous night and the people i spent it with. one, i fucking love you all. my best friends are the shit. but my amazing friday night reinforced my hesistance to go to new york for college. it's not that i'm worried i'll never talk to these girls again, but it's that i'm making the best memories with them, and i feel like our time is going to get cut short. the last thing i want to do is go to ny and then regret it. in the same token, though, i would hate to stay here and wish i had chosen new york.

this is where i really start to hate my indeciveness.

then i realized while talking to kelee that my motives for choosing between schools are a little out of perspective. because what i deeply want is for a new experience, life changing and something that will set me up for the future i want. but then on the surface, i contradict myself because i'm afraid to start absolutely completely over. i want a new chance, don't get me wrong. but as i realized friday night, i can be horrible at first impressions. if and when i go to new york, there won't be anyone there that knows the "real" me. and i'll have to start from scratch.

first impressions have never seemed so important.








speaking of which, interview tomorrow for anaheim youth of the year.