what?

all of a sudden,
this wash of sickness came over me.

i see it ending.
it hasn't even begun.

why do i do this?
it's like i don't want myself to be happy.

i'm like dizzy from the fact that my mind is changing,
and i have no control over it.

i want to stop thinking about college, but it's dominating my thoughts. less than four months till graduation.

i DON'T feel rushed. i'm falling back into the comfort zone of not knowing what i want. don't let this stop you, or get you down. i don't even want you to read this, but you need to know without me telling you. this isn't me. i'm not optimistic. i'm not even a nice person. stop being fooled. i'll come around soon enough.

is this reality kicking in, or am i going crazy?