just a thought.

"haven't you noticed that the only consistent factor in your failures is YOU?"


well that's a good way to look at it.




ps. thanks for seeing the good in me.

word vomit.

can you please give him a chance?
you have this predetermined opinion of him,
and you're way beyond fucking wrong.



you've always been behind me, 110%.
what's changed now that he's here?

what?

all of a sudden,
this wash of sickness came over me.

i see it ending.
it hasn't even begun.

why do i do this?
it's like i don't want myself to be happy.

i'm like dizzy from the fact that my mind is changing,
and i have no control over it.

i want to stop thinking about college, but it's dominating my thoughts. less than four months till graduation.

i DON'T feel rushed. i'm falling back into the comfort zone of not knowing what i want. don't let this stop you, or get you down. i don't even want you to read this, but you need to know without me telling you. this isn't me. i'm not optimistic. i'm not even a nice person. stop being fooled. i'll come around soon enough.

is this reality kicking in, or am i going crazy?

i can't stop thinking about it.

what was the question you said you were going to ask me?





you didn't ask,
so i couldn't answer.






thanks for today.

home sweet home.

NEW freaking YORK.

it's where i belong.

for the first time in my life, i feel like i actually know what i want to do, and i can actually see how to get there.





will you be able to support me?

________.

stop trying to pretend i don't exist.

you walked by me last thursday and didn't even notice.
talk about heart wrenching.



i'm ready for you to forgive me.






we're better than this, aren't we?


p.s. my promise stays true.

surprise feelings.

yeah, wasn't expecting this one.

you know...the one that you feel in the pit of your stomach.
you're part of my daily routine.







wow, this is really happening.




today was such a butterfly day, tomorrow even more.
possibly the last soccer game i'll ever play in...
the day before new york...
and, today, the realization that i might in fact, for once, be ready.

against the odds.

even though my actions would say you're just a replacement,






you are most definitely not.
















i feel anything but rushed.

take a hint.

i miss you.




stop lying to yourself.
i need you,
and im almost positive you need me too.


please don't fill the void with someone else.
i'm here. i'm waiting. i'm sorry.